ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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