I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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