There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
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