Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize