so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
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i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
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I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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