when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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