You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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