I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
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I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
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I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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