So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
You took a bar mat shot.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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