Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize