highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
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Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
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People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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