It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
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She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
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I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
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