Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize