Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
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I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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