Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
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