My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
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