she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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