his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
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I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
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My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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