Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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