I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
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my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
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When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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