She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
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my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
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Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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