Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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