her vagina looked like bernie madoff
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize