There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize