Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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