i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize