For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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