you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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