dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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