You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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