We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize