What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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