I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize