Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
He passed out mid-signature
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize