we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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