just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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