Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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