Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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