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Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
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