"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
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I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
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I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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