Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
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I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
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He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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