While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
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Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize