Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize