Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
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I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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