I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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