So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
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I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
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Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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