Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
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he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
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Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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