I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize