Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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