12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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